Ruined by T.B. Larkan

Author:T.B. Larkan [Larkan, T.B.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-06-18T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

Sloan

He knows something is up. I was able to laugh him off and tell him some lie about an alien dream, but I wonder if that will hold forever. I should have known better, I was lying to myself. That one night in Noah's car changed everything for us, and he doesn’t even know it.

Noah had pulled away from me that night, and I took it personal. All I wanted from him was to tell him everything I was feeling, to finally open up the way he had been begging for. When he left me that night in his car, I felt used and dirty, I finally understood what my mom had been feeling her entire life. I retreated further into myself after that night, pulling away from him and getting ready for the break. I thought I knew what was coming, that he had finally got his fill of me and had one foot out the door. I never did find out why he left me that night, I was too quick to go on the offense. Have you ever wanted to hurt someone before they hurt you, that maybe being the first to strike hurts less? It doesn’t, it hurts all the same.

Looking back I know what I did was childish, I know I should have just confronted Noah and told him how I felt. At least if I did that I wouldn’t be carrying around this regret and questions. Why had he tossed me to the side like that? Why did he let me walk away? Of course I know the answer to that last question.

Finally deciding to stay the course, to let myself enjoy us. We’re together again after 5 years apart, and he agreed to let the past stay there. Lying to myself that I’m in a better place than I was 5 years ago, and I’m trying to not make the same mistakes.

It’s about 5 am on Monday morning when I’m leaving Noah’s apartment. After spending the entire weekend cooped up in his bed, I’m ready to return to outside life. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy being glued to his side and his bed. We either cooked or ordered food, opting to stay in our bubble. I think Noah believed that if we left it would break the spell of neutrality that we finally reached. It’s strange seeing the old him emerge with me again, doting on me with affection. I missed him, I can let myself admit it now. I missed how he saw me, I missed who I was when I was with him. I glance back at him sleeping one more time before I leave. His features are soft in the dark, a quiet snore escaping his lips. He calms me, yet lights a fire in me. He’s everything and nothing all at once, but I wish I could tell him how broken he makes me feel while he’s trying to glue me back together.

Noah gave me the keys to his truck to get back home, saying that he could come by later to get his truck.

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